My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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