Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
