apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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