he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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