Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
