She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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