My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
