Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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