Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
