someone threw a dead crab at me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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