that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
