You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
