sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
