sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
