Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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