She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
