I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
