Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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