she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
