At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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