JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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