..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
