shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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