i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
