I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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