we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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