well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
