Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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