Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
