ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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