I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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