I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
