you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
