This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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