He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
