Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
