i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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