she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
