Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
