everyone is single if you try hard enough
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
