I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
