Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
