If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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