I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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