Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
