somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
