I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
