Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
