so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
