If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
