The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
