I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
