Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
