I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
