I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
