Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
