i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
